I suck at updating on time.

I called Cookout yesterday morning and hes all "if she said it then I guess were not" stupid dick. Fuck him and cook out as a whole for being moronic. Whatever - i'm over it. (fuck it fuck it fuck it in the ass hard) ok now im over it.
Adam came hommmme yesterday :] he was supposed to come home at like 3-330 but he got back at like 1230! it surprised me and I was happy :D He fucked up his car and got pulled by a cop but hes home and hes mine C: Let's see, I talked to financial aid - its a mess as usual with Barton. But if they fuck up my semester im gonna fuck them in the ass.
Eating right is still kicking my ass and im trying just not as hard as I should be :/
I stayed with Brianna last nightt we played guitar hero like all day yesterday, adam came over after class, he stayed a while, then he went home. Boo. You know he used to spend the night with me all the time and now he isn't and I'm not a huge fan. It upsets me. Have I dont something wrong? I love sleeping with him, because i'll wake up in the middle of the night and he'll still have his arms around me and then i'll wake up again liek an hour later and he'll be spread eagle on my bed. lol. its cute i swear. but he hasnt spent many nights with me at all lately and im missing it. hes my comfort.
I woke up; came home; helped momma; adam came over C:; ate dinner with the fam + adam and bri; thenn adam went to class; i went with my amazing neighbor to her preschool class to help her set up - she starts next week :] she seems nervous but I think deep down shes just really excited and not sure how to cope with that yet. I know she'll do good, shes too sweet and innocent not to; came home from that hung out with her and her husband a while then adam got outta class and they looked sleepy so instead of him coming over to their house where I was i just met him at home; folded the laundry; went to brandon and crystals - you know, when you have company its a good idea to be in the room with them. Now Brandon had to go take a shit, which is ok were all pretty close decently close ya know? So that didn't bother me and hes like baby (talking to crystal) wanna come sit with me? we all laugh she says sure and goes. 10 minutes later im like - why isnt she out here? So I look at Adam and im like I didn't come here for them to be rude and leave us out here while they do whatever theyre doing. So we just put our shoes on and leave. Whatever, not my problem if they want to be inconsiderate - if you're going to marry young then you have to grow up fast is my philosophy so hmpff. We leave there and we go to Briannas, play guitar hero, and now im here. Without Adam of course, because of course, he didnt want to spend the night. Whatever. I just don't have the energy to question his motives. I dont have the energy to question anyones motives. Im too spent wasting my energy on being depressed about money - go figure. -_-
Im going to go to bed, alone. Good night.

"I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I know what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on? ... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want anymore vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and i'm already exhausted." - Elizabeth Wertzel

hellllllllllllllooooo - im at it again. dos.

"That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key." - Elizabeth Wurtzel