Wow, yea i'm aware i havn't kept up. Sue me. Let's see. Yes school started and I have been all over the place. My money is JUST now getting packaged. Anyway, I just got an e-mail yesterday about how my loans are approved and coming in. I talked to the financial aid people today (for like the 100th time) and I can't get my book money until all my loans and shit come in. It's just a big mess. I'm stressing because stats is seriously going to kick my ass. He's straight up difficult and theres a ton of work and I don't have my books and I really just hate the stress.
I ended up dropping forensics because I think having a third reading intensive class would seriously stress me out. I have aerobics class though which ended up being a belly dancing class. I went last night, its on mon and wed 7 at night so I mean not so bad. It was actually pretty fun I enjoyed it. I think i'll benefit from it. I've been walking on tue and thursday in the mornings before my 1220 class (which is painting and he makes us buy EVERYTHING so i have no idea how thats going to work out) and im like really sore today from three days of work out. I mean it may not be alot to you skinny bitches, but it's alot for me. I havn't done much of any workout consistently in over a year so yeah. But I mean its whatever. Monday was "Welcome Back Bulldog Day" at school otherwise known as free shit day. I got a lot of shit it was crazy. I got four theatre sized movie posters, like 5 cups, a pedometer, three shirts, a bunch of pens, it was great. I had fun.
On another point even though i've been working out for only a hour at a time it's been so damn hot outside and walking across campus fifty million times because of the stupid ass money issue. I've been sweating my freakin ass off. Seriously disgusting.
I'm sick of typing this shit. Talk to ya later.
"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Sorrrryyy.
Yea I know it's been a while, but i've been pretty lazy. Let's see if I can get this all right.
Ok well Wednesday I woke up and my throat was hurting, but as the day kept going it just got worse. SO BAD that I couldnt bear to talk. It really hurt. It felt like I had swallowed a piece of fiberglass and it was just sitting there stuck on that part of my throat waiting for me to swallow or even hint that I was going to use my vocal chords. Oh it hurt so bad. Soo it was supposed to be a girls day, me and Brianna. But momma ruined that. It's my mom so of course I was like ehh we can stay a bit longer (even though I didn't want to). She ended up completely interfering and ruining our day. So I was looking up homemade face masks online to make for us all to do since mom was determined to be a part of it and Brianna's all 'well i gotta go home blah blah blah people that always end up coming over blah blah blah' i dont know what the deal was? but she just HAD to get home. -_- whatever. I took her home and I was slightly irritated already with her but then my throat was hurting so bad that I just wanted to come back home and cry by myself. I came back home mom gave me a loritab and it got a little bit better but not really. Then that wore off and I took another one. Adam was over at this time and I was reallllly high off this last loritab. Like bad high. Dizzy and nauseas high. It sucked. But I mean, Adam stayed and took care of me. :D:D:D:D That was a plus. Nanny bitched all the next day and his mom had a smart comment to say but I really didn't feel well and he really did just stay and take care of me. Whatever. Thursday uhm my throat was better. Cody had open house that morning at school and afterwards I took him swimming at Adams house. We came home and I don't remember if I did anything exciting? BUTTTT LAST NIGHTTTTTTTTTT bahahaha...
Me and Adam were going to be going to Brianna's and having a American Pie marathon or something like that? but Amber (my neighbor if you don't know by now) came over and was upset and wanted me to stay home in case she needed me. So I stayed and me and momma and adam went over there and hung out for a while. Drank a little vodka , adam left around 11 or 1130 i dont quite remember (no i wasn't drunk) but thennnn momma came back over for a little while and it was great! WE MADE AMBER DANCE and she like NEVER DANCES it was so funnnnny. So then everyone was all april teach her april teach her so I got up and I was trying to teach her the simple butt pop hahahahah but she looked like a turtle! and the night jsut went on and on of trying to teach her to dance like a black girl. oh it was a comical time. i enjoyed it very much so. shes funny. anyway. School starts back monday - no idea how thats going to go. :C not full on excitement. ehh but heres my schedule and ill try and put it in order for you - no promises.
None of the statements beside the classes are meant to be sarcastic they are literal.
Anyway, that totals to 17 hours. More than most, but I think i'm going to enjoy it. Anyway, holla.
"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you're given a test that teached you a lesson." - Tom Bodett
Ok well Wednesday I woke up and my throat was hurting, but as the day kept going it just got worse. SO BAD that I couldnt bear to talk. It really hurt. It felt like I had swallowed a piece of fiberglass and it was just sitting there stuck on that part of my throat waiting for me to swallow or even hint that I was going to use my vocal chords. Oh it hurt so bad. Soo it was supposed to be a girls day, me and Brianna. But momma ruined that. It's my mom so of course I was like ehh we can stay a bit longer (even though I didn't want to). She ended up completely interfering and ruining our day. So I was looking up homemade face masks online to make for us all to do since mom was determined to be a part of it and Brianna's all 'well i gotta go home blah blah blah people that always end up coming over blah blah blah' i dont know what the deal was? but she just HAD to get home. -_- whatever. I took her home and I was slightly irritated already with her but then my throat was hurting so bad that I just wanted to come back home and cry by myself. I came back home mom gave me a loritab and it got a little bit better but not really. Then that wore off and I took another one. Adam was over at this time and I was reallllly high off this last loritab. Like bad high. Dizzy and nauseas high. It sucked. But I mean, Adam stayed and took care of me. :D:D:D:D That was a plus. Nanny bitched all the next day and his mom had a smart comment to say but I really didn't feel well and he really did just stay and take care of me. Whatever. Thursday uhm my throat was better. Cody had open house that morning at school and afterwards I took him swimming at Adams house. We came home and I don't remember if I did anything exciting? BUTTTT LAST NIGHTTTTTTTTTT bahahaha...
Me and Adam were going to be going to Brianna's and having a American Pie marathon or something like that? but Amber (my neighbor if you don't know by now) came over and was upset and wanted me to stay home in case she needed me. So I stayed and me and momma and adam went over there and hung out for a while. Drank a little vodka , adam left around 11 or 1130 i dont quite remember (no i wasn't drunk) but thennnn momma came back over for a little while and it was great! WE MADE AMBER DANCE and she like NEVER DANCES it was so funnnnny. So then everyone was all april teach her april teach her so I got up and I was trying to teach her the simple butt pop hahahahah but she looked like a turtle! and the night jsut went on and on of trying to teach her to dance like a black girl. oh it was a comical time. i enjoyed it very much so. shes funny. anyway. School starts back monday - no idea how thats going to go. :C not full on excitement. ehh but heres my schedule and ill try and put it in order for you - no promises.
M W F: 9:00 - 9:50 Spanish 201 (im trying to get in english 102 though so idk if thats gonna stay)
M W F: 1:00 - 1:50 Statistics (its a pysch class)
M W: 2:00 - 3:15 Developmental Psych
W: 5:30 - 8:00 Intro to Forensics (i just wanted something different)
T TH: 9:30 - 10:20 Volleyball (class doesnt begin until midterm)
T TH: 12:20 - 2:50 Intro to Painting (i really do just love art)
None of the statements beside the classes are meant to be sarcastic they are literal.
Anyway, that totals to 17 hours. More than most, but I think i'm going to enjoy it. Anyway, holla.
"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life you're given a test that teached you a lesson." - Tom Bodett
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I suck at updating on time.
I called Cookout yesterday morning and hes all "if she said it then I guess were not" stupid dick. Fuck him and cook out as a whole for being moronic. Whatever - i'm over it. (fuck it fuck it fuck it in the ass hard) ok now im over it.
Adam came hommmme yesterday :] he was supposed to come home at like 3-330 but he got back at like 1230! it surprised me and I was happy :D He fucked up his car and got pulled by a cop but hes home and hes mine C: Let's see, I talked to financial aid - its a mess as usual with Barton. But if they fuck up my semester im gonna fuck them in the ass.
Eating right is still kicking my ass and im trying just not as hard as I should be :/
I stayed with Brianna last nightt we played guitar hero like all day yesterday, adam came over after class, he stayed a while, then he went home. Boo. You know he used to spend the night with me all the time and now he isn't and I'm not a huge fan. It upsets me. Have I dont something wrong? I love sleeping with him, because i'll wake up in the middle of the night and he'll still have his arms around me and then i'll wake up again liek an hour later and he'll be spread eagle on my bed. lol. its cute i swear. but he hasnt spent many nights with me at all lately and im missing it. hes my comfort.
I woke up; came home; helped momma; adam came over C:; ate dinner with the fam + adam and bri; thenn adam went to class; i went with my amazing neighbor to her preschool class to help her set up - she starts next week :] she seems nervous but I think deep down shes just really excited and not sure how to cope with that yet. I know she'll do good, shes too sweet and innocent not to; came home from that hung out with her and her husband a while then adam got outta class and they looked sleepy so instead of him coming over to their house where I was i just met him at home; folded the laundry; went to brandon and crystals - you know, when you have company its a good idea to be in the room with them. Now Brandon had to go take a shit, which is ok were all pretty close decently close ya know? So that didn't bother me and hes like baby (talking to crystal) wanna come sit with me? we all laugh she says sure and goes. 10 minutes later im like - why isnt she out here? So I look at Adam and im like I didn't come here for them to be rude and leave us out here while they do whatever theyre doing. So we just put our shoes on and leave. Whatever, not my problem if they want to be inconsiderate - if you're going to marry young then you have to grow up fast is my philosophy so hmpff. We leave there and we go to Briannas, play guitar hero, and now im here. Without Adam of course, because of course, he didnt want to spend the night. Whatever. I just don't have the energy to question his motives. I dont have the energy to question anyones motives. Im too spent wasting my energy on being depressed about money - go figure. -_-
Im going to go to bed, alone. Good night.
"I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I know what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on? ... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want anymore vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and i'm already exhausted." - Elizabeth Wertzel
hellllllllllllllooooo - im at it again. dos.
"That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
Adam came hommmme yesterday :] he was supposed to come home at like 3-330 but he got back at like 1230! it surprised me and I was happy :D He fucked up his car and got pulled by a cop but hes home and hes mine C: Let's see, I talked to financial aid - its a mess as usual with Barton. But if they fuck up my semester im gonna fuck them in the ass.
Eating right is still kicking my ass and im trying just not as hard as I should be :/
I stayed with Brianna last nightt we played guitar hero like all day yesterday, adam came over after class, he stayed a while, then he went home. Boo. You know he used to spend the night with me all the time and now he isn't and I'm not a huge fan. It upsets me. Have I dont something wrong? I love sleeping with him, because i'll wake up in the middle of the night and he'll still have his arms around me and then i'll wake up again liek an hour later and he'll be spread eagle on my bed. lol. its cute i swear. but he hasnt spent many nights with me at all lately and im missing it. hes my comfort.
I woke up; came home; helped momma; adam came over C:; ate dinner with the fam + adam and bri; thenn adam went to class; i went with my amazing neighbor to her preschool class to help her set up - she starts next week :] she seems nervous but I think deep down shes just really excited and not sure how to cope with that yet. I know she'll do good, shes too sweet and innocent not to; came home from that hung out with her and her husband a while then adam got outta class and they looked sleepy so instead of him coming over to their house where I was i just met him at home; folded the laundry; went to brandon and crystals - you know, when you have company its a good idea to be in the room with them. Now Brandon had to go take a shit, which is ok were all pretty close decently close ya know? So that didn't bother me and hes like baby (talking to crystal) wanna come sit with me? we all laugh she says sure and goes. 10 minutes later im like - why isnt she out here? So I look at Adam and im like I didn't come here for them to be rude and leave us out here while they do whatever theyre doing. So we just put our shoes on and leave. Whatever, not my problem if they want to be inconsiderate - if you're going to marry young then you have to grow up fast is my philosophy so hmpff. We leave there and we go to Briannas, play guitar hero, and now im here. Without Adam of course, because of course, he didnt want to spend the night. Whatever. I just don't have the energy to question his motives. I dont have the energy to question anyones motives. Im too spent wasting my energy on being depressed about money - go figure. -_-
Im going to go to bed, alone. Good night.
"I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I know what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on? ... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want anymore vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am twenty and i'm already exhausted." - Elizabeth Wertzel
hellllllllllllllooooo - im at it again. dos.
"That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key." - Elizabeth Wurtzel
Monday, August 17, 2009
Oyy.
Sooo how's it going your way? Better than mine I hope. Let's see a few things: cook-out has pissed me off, im really starting to miss adam, im trying to effin eat right and it sucks, and The Ugly Truth and The Proposal we're great movies.
Tonight me and mom went to hang out with Brianna (don't ask how but somehow my mom has managed to be cool as hell) we went to cookout first and I saw Leah, Leah becomes Claudia (the district manager i'm supposed to have a interview with to get the job) and she tells me that they aren't even hiring up front she doesn't know why they interviewed me. Hmm, so now im a touch pissed off. Why why why would he even interview me? basically give me the job? and tell me they WERE hiring if theyre not? Needless to say - i'm making a phone call tomorrow.
I miss my Adam. I miss his hug and his laugh, his really stupid redneck jokes, and I miss how he kisses me with both hands around my face holding me up at the same time, because he makes me weak in the knees. Ugh - i'm so pathetically in love it's vomit worthy. Go ahead and puke I don't blame you.
Eating right sucks a lot of balls. But i've become a big girl and I need to reap what I sew. It's very very difficult for me to just up and eat right, because I am a very emotional eater and it bites not being able to eat when i'm upset or happy or mad. I just like eating and I like eating when something is wrong - it soothes me. I'm determing to try and stick to this though. Momma needs me to. If im here to help her itll make her stronger and she'll do better and I don't think I could bear to see her go through another heart attack at such a young age.
Gee ok so last night I watched The Ugly Truth :D and it's freaking amazing yes yes yes I recommend it. Very very highly. It was great. "Dude, what the fuck?" hahahahaha. It was great and tonight I watched The Proposal and to my surprise, it was berry berry good. I enjoyed The Ugly Truth better but I am not complaining. Naturally these comedy romance movies did nothing to help my pain and torture of missing Adam but they were good movies. Go watch em - they're great. I don't have much else to say, so i'm gonna let you guys go.
"He who love touches walks not in darkness." - Plato
yay for another one .
"Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." - Carl Jung
^think about that one.
Tonight me and mom went to hang out with Brianna (don't ask how but somehow my mom has managed to be cool as hell) we went to cookout first and I saw Leah, Leah becomes Claudia (the district manager i'm supposed to have a interview with to get the job) and she tells me that they aren't even hiring up front she doesn't know why they interviewed me. Hmm, so now im a touch pissed off. Why why why would he even interview me? basically give me the job? and tell me they WERE hiring if theyre not? Needless to say - i'm making a phone call tomorrow.
I miss my Adam. I miss his hug and his laugh, his really stupid redneck jokes, and I miss how he kisses me with both hands around my face holding me up at the same time, because he makes me weak in the knees. Ugh - i'm so pathetically in love it's vomit worthy. Go ahead and puke I don't blame you.
Eating right sucks a lot of balls. But i've become a big girl and I need to reap what I sew. It's very very difficult for me to just up and eat right, because I am a very emotional eater and it bites not being able to eat when i'm upset or happy or mad. I just like eating and I like eating when something is wrong - it soothes me. I'm determing to try and stick to this though. Momma needs me to. If im here to help her itll make her stronger and she'll do better and I don't think I could bear to see her go through another heart attack at such a young age.
Gee ok so last night I watched The Ugly Truth :D and it's freaking amazing yes yes yes I recommend it. Very very highly. It was great. "Dude, what the fuck?" hahahahaha. It was great and tonight I watched The Proposal and to my surprise, it was berry berry good. I enjoyed The Ugly Truth better but I am not complaining. Naturally these comedy romance movies did nothing to help my pain and torture of missing Adam but they were good movies. Go watch em - they're great. I don't have much else to say, so i'm gonna let you guys go.
"He who love touches walks not in darkness." - Plato
yay for another one .
"Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." - Carl Jung
^think about that one.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Where has the time gone?
Goodness - where have I been ? Not doing this thats for sure. I havn't been BUSY, just a little distracted I suppose let's see. Adam's great grandma passed :C so he's all the way in Pennyslyvania until tomorrow. Which I thought was going to be hard but it's not so bad since he's coming home soon. My neighbors left Friday for the beach so I am dog sitting. Which isn't so bad since I get full play at the Wii. I'm addicted to the six flags game - BUT do you KNOW WHAT MYA DID? Mya is their daughter. SHE DELETED MY CHARACTER THAT I HAD GOT SO FAR IN. I was mad but then once I started playing I realized I hadn't really gotten that far lmao. I had just spend a lot of time on it - I guess it helps that I already know where everything is this time around :P Anyway, last night I was getting ready to go with Brianna to Andrews brothers house (Stephen - ffr Leigh is his wife) and I was soaking in the tub and I put my phoe on the very edge like closest to the floor and it vibrated and as soon as I turned my head it vibrated all the way into the bathtub! WHAT THE FUCKKKKK???!!!?!?! Yea I picked it up threw it outta the tub, took the back up jerked out the battery and started drying everything off, but when I got out the shower and got dressed it still wasn't working :'C I went last night and my god I didn't know how much I loved my fuckin phone. Everytime I turned I was grabbing for it, yet to no avail :C :C :C :C :C ehh. Sooo me and Brianna got drunk last night, but I was sober by the time I went to bed - I like it that way. I tend to be a very coherent drunk either way so I suppose it doesn't matter? Anyway, we got up this morning and she took me home and I was freaking out so I was like ima just try my phone maybe it's dried out - AND IT WORKED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so far everything I've put to test has passed with flying colors! except my ringer, it sounds funny but who cares?! its a ringer! my fuckin phone works and thats all that matters. whewwwwwwwwwwww. thats a loud off my shoulders cause I was like how am I going to contact anyone and vice versa, what if cookout calls, or worse - HOW AM I GONNA TEXTTT? butttt its fine and im happy. Not im hungry and im going to go eat breakfast. Later kids.
"What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." - George Eliot
"What greater thing is there for two human souls that to feel they are joined ... to strengthen each other ... to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories." - George Eliot
Friday, August 14, 2009
Blahblahblah.
Hola mi amigos. I only have one "follower", but i've been told a few people are reading. Truth be told I started this as a online journal just for me to let out, so it really doesn't bother me that people are or aren't reading this. Anyway here's whats been happening - ill start with homelife (and be prepared im not in the mood for punctuation corrections tonight) .
Ok, so apparently while I was at Brianna's momma had a long talk with nanny about her 'nit-picking' and how she just needed to lay off because she was stressing me out. That may not sound like much to you but it means the world to me. It finally shows me that i'm not the only one who thinks that nanny has been worse on me lately, that nanny has been pointing me out instead of everyone else. It shows me that momma has noticed it too. And it's a big deal if momma confronts nanny because normally momma doesnt say anything except for me to learn to just let it slide. Anyway, that meant alot to me.
Work life: So I got my damn background check done today and took it in to Jeremy at cook-out :D:D only to find out that I DONT HAVE THE JOB. I was like highly let down. Apparently, he talked to his district manager and she wants to interview me herself and get my school schedule before she hires me and that bites alot of ass for me because I could be working all next week - but no. So now i'm emailing doc hyatt yet again to get my schedule so I can get this job but of course I cant get in touch with her. Its really frustrating the hell out of me. I just hate that I got my hopes all high just to have them smashed down. Anyway I was confused about the situation so I called Jeremy and he said basically what I just said with this added at the end "but dont worry because youre first and running" YAYYY MEE :D So im hoping to get in with doc hyatt MONDAY MORNING so I can take that damn schedule to that place asap.
Boyfriend: were good - like always. He was with me on and off today. He rode with me to get my background check done because I didnt know where to go first off then he went home and then I picked him up on the way to pick up my prescriptions from RM and then after his class tonight (which ended at 10) he came over and saw me :D yay him. But I spent most of the night next door with my neighbors. Let me tell you something those are some great people those Wheelers. :P Theyre a young couple like late 20's and they have three gorgeous blonde children. I went over and then they had to go to Harris Teeter and I went with them it was fun needless to say with an 8 year old a 5 year old and a 3 year old I believe? It was fun though because Greg is quite comical and I adore amber to pieces shes become one of my closest friends C: I really do trust her. Then we came back I walked home to see momma and I went back over and we played Wii and then thats when Adam showed up. His great grandma passed today and hes going to PA to the funeral. He says he wants me to go but im not sure if he really does or if he feels obligated to tell me that. I dont know. We'll see I suppose. He walked me home and laid with me for a bit. Ima tell yall somethin - I really really do love him. I was laying on his shoulder (all cliche like) and I shifted my chin upwards and looked at him and it was all I could do to hold back the tears because I realized - tonight that is - how much I do love him and depend on him. I am so in love with him and I do know that im in this for the long haul, whether I like that or not. He is my rock and he will never be anything less than that.
Bestt: Last night brianna had andrew, jimmy, and heather over and texted me sayin she missed me and wanted to come over but momma wanted to go :P :P silly lady anyway mom ended up convincing brianna to let her smoke in her house (which is A REALLLLLY BIG accomplishment for all you who don't know) we had a blast. Mom played guitar hero for the first time, we picked on himmy and heather the entire night because they were laying in the bed with the lights out and the covers over them all night and andrew pissed me off so all in all it was a total night. I love my mom and I love my Brianna and I love that they love each other.
Well you kids - thats all I can remember right now. Things are looked pretty balanced right now. Im not sad but im not happy. Thats life. Peace.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
I have another tonight :D:D
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." - Anonymous
Ok, so apparently while I was at Brianna's momma had a long talk with nanny about her 'nit-picking' and how she just needed to lay off because she was stressing me out. That may not sound like much to you but it means the world to me. It finally shows me that i'm not the only one who thinks that nanny has been worse on me lately, that nanny has been pointing me out instead of everyone else. It shows me that momma has noticed it too. And it's a big deal if momma confronts nanny because normally momma doesnt say anything except for me to learn to just let it slide. Anyway, that meant alot to me.
Work life: So I got my damn background check done today and took it in to Jeremy at cook-out :D:D only to find out that I DONT HAVE THE JOB. I was like highly let down. Apparently, he talked to his district manager and she wants to interview me herself and get my school schedule before she hires me and that bites alot of ass for me because I could be working all next week - but no. So now i'm emailing doc hyatt yet again to get my schedule so I can get this job but of course I cant get in touch with her. Its really frustrating the hell out of me. I just hate that I got my hopes all high just to have them smashed down. Anyway I was confused about the situation so I called Jeremy and he said basically what I just said with this added at the end "but dont worry because youre first and running" YAYYY MEE :D So im hoping to get in with doc hyatt MONDAY MORNING so I can take that damn schedule to that place asap.
Boyfriend: were good - like always. He was with me on and off today. He rode with me to get my background check done because I didnt know where to go first off then he went home and then I picked him up on the way to pick up my prescriptions from RM and then after his class tonight (which ended at 10) he came over and saw me :D yay him. But I spent most of the night next door with my neighbors. Let me tell you something those are some great people those Wheelers. :P Theyre a young couple like late 20's and they have three gorgeous blonde children. I went over and then they had to go to Harris Teeter and I went with them it was fun needless to say with an 8 year old a 5 year old and a 3 year old I believe? It was fun though because Greg is quite comical and I adore amber to pieces shes become one of my closest friends C: I really do trust her. Then we came back I walked home to see momma and I went back over and we played Wii and then thats when Adam showed up. His great grandma passed today and hes going to PA to the funeral. He says he wants me to go but im not sure if he really does or if he feels obligated to tell me that. I dont know. We'll see I suppose. He walked me home and laid with me for a bit. Ima tell yall somethin - I really really do love him. I was laying on his shoulder (all cliche like) and I shifted my chin upwards and looked at him and it was all I could do to hold back the tears because I realized - tonight that is - how much I do love him and depend on him. I am so in love with him and I do know that im in this for the long haul, whether I like that or not. He is my rock and he will never be anything less than that.
Bestt: Last night brianna had andrew, jimmy, and heather over and texted me sayin she missed me and wanted to come over but momma wanted to go :P :P silly lady anyway mom ended up convincing brianna to let her smoke in her house (which is A REALLLLLY BIG accomplishment for all you who don't know) we had a blast. Mom played guitar hero for the first time, we picked on himmy and heather the entire night because they were laying in the bed with the lights out and the covers over them all night and andrew pissed me off so all in all it was a total night. I love my mom and I love my Brianna and I love that they love each other.
Well you kids - thats all I can remember right now. Things are looked pretty balanced right now. Im not sad but im not happy. Thats life. Peace.
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson
I have another tonight :D:D
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." - Anonymous
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Congrats to me.
So last night we went to Andrew's brothers house and got some nails to nail in Briannas wall. They're realllllly country - but it's ok. Andrew officially asked Brianna to marry him, she said yes, making them engaged and i'm not gonna lie to you. I'm going to say the same thing I said to her - i'm not ok with it and i'm not going to pretend I am. I don't like this whole getting engaged and married at a young age thing. It's my opinion. I'm not going to not be her friend or anything, but i'm not going to be persuaded to believe otherwise. Oh well. It's her life and I have no say in it. On the upsideee thoughhh .........
Today I got a call back from cook-out to go in for an interview and I went in at 5! I got there early though like 4:40 early but thats ok. CAUSE I GOT THE JOBBB heeee yeah. I'm excited. I will be working with my leah love and that makes me happy. I'll be getting a paycheck and that makes me happier :D I'm excited. He was a really cool guy and let me tell you - he has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen on a person, besides Adam of course ;P. They were like pure green eyes. I mean I think theyre contacts? Im gonna ask - thats how beautiful they were. Anyway Im going to get my background check tomorrow (boo for them not going it for me) and take it to him and then bam I guess that's about it. I dont know when I start yet but I dont care because I hope its soon, I'm excited. Ohhh and Holly, I work with Holly as well.
I'm back home. Came back today. It's been ok so far. I'm putting the cause on that to be Nanny has been asleep all day so we havn't had time for conflict - although there was a close call earlier today before I left for the interview. But I just walked out - I didn't want to hear it and I didn't want her to bring me down. Well kids, i'm still excited - I miss Adam - and i'm bored. C: It's been a somewhat long day.
Later kids.
"If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot." - Robert Townsend
Today I got a call back from cook-out to go in for an interview and I went in at 5! I got there early though like 4:40 early but thats ok. CAUSE I GOT THE JOBBB heeee yeah. I'm excited. I will be working with my leah love and that makes me happy. I'll be getting a paycheck and that makes me happier :D I'm excited. He was a really cool guy and let me tell you - he has the most gorgeous eyes I have ever seen on a person, besides Adam of course ;P. They were like pure green eyes. I mean I think theyre contacts? Im gonna ask - thats how beautiful they were. Anyway Im going to get my background check tomorrow (boo for them not going it for me) and take it to him and then bam I guess that's about it. I dont know when I start yet but I dont care because I hope its soon, I'm excited. Ohhh and Holly, I work with Holly as well.
I'm back home. Came back today. It's been ok so far. I'm putting the cause on that to be Nanny has been asleep all day so we havn't had time for conflict - although there was a close call earlier today before I left for the interview. But I just walked out - I didn't want to hear it and I didn't want her to bring me down. Well kids, i'm still excited - I miss Adam - and i'm bored. C: It's been a somewhat long day.
Later kids.
"If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot." - Robert Townsend
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.
Yawn, it's 4:51 pm as I type and I have been busy since I woke up. Brianna just moved in about a week ago so there are, naturally, some odds and ends still around the house to be cleaned and organized. I've inherited my mother's gene so of course it drove me crazy. She left this morning to go babysit, Adam left to go to the station and me and Andrew - sat. We've been here doing a whole bunch of stuff. (Andrew is her boyfriend beeteedubss) I woke up at 11. Made breakfast with Andrew. We ate I cleaned the entire kitchen - even the floor. Yea I know. Then we watched some t.v. and I got to work on some ofthe boxes in "my room". Yeah. Ok anyway, so there is so much CRAP in these boxed that I just couldn't sort it out. I put what I could and knew up and straightened some things. She might get pissed but hey at least I cleared a trash bag, her toy box, a gigantic box, and a tote of stuff out. Whew. I've been pretty busy. Adam has no damn gas to come see me and I really miss him. He left early this morning and I really hate that. I just want one day where neither of us has to do anything. I want us to sleep late and then wake up and eat and then go outside to his pool or something. Relaxing is nice when it's with someone you really love. That's about all for today - but knowing my luck something will change by tonight.
"He who wants to change the world should already begin by cleaning the dishes." - Paul Carvel
Holler.
"He who wants to change the world should already begin by cleaning the dishes." - Paul Carvel
Holler.
Monday, August 10, 2009
So maybe?
So, the break-up with Adam didn't last long. I realized that what I needed wasn't to get away from him, it was to have a talk with my mom and get back in touch with her. It's basically where all my problems were stemming from so once I had a talk with her I realized that I was just grasping for a solution by thinking getting away from Adam for a while would fix things. Anyway - I was wrong I know it and we're back and we're fine :] Anyway, i've decided to stay at Brianna's for a while. aka my best friend.
Yea, thats her. We're really close. Im gonna stay with her for a few days just to get a break from everything. Anyway, thats about everything. I was just updating to let you all know. Hopefully this home away from home will give me the break I need. Anway, i'm gonna go.
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain
Laterr.
Heres to number one.
So i'm just you're average seventeen year old, basically. Except instead of looking forward to my senior year in high school I'm about to start my sophomore year in college.
Instead of playing the field - i've already found the guy im going to end up with. 
(So it's a really really bad picture of the two of us but it's really old and I don't feel like going through all my pictures to find a better one.)
Anyway, the past few months though - we havn't been so close. Things havn't been so great around the house. We're going through major financial problems, yea i know everyone is right?, maybe so but i'm not you so of course my problems seem a bit more crucial. Heres my family overview real quick to give you a breakdown of what I live with everyday. My mom, who is a serious superhero. She does everything. She takes care of everyone and never, well rarely breaks down from all the responsibilities she has. My brother who is 8. His name is Cody and he has severe ADHD as well as Autism. Please - don't pity him , that annoys me. With all of this he has still managed to make it to the second grade and become the most important guy in my life. There is my Nanny (grandma) who is getting up there on the age ladder, not much but 64 is becoming a difficult age for her. She's getting older and with that has come mroe attitude, less patience, and of course she's very old school and that conflicts with my beliefs. Believe me - we argue like no other. I think she's the devil and she thinks i'm the devil. Not literal speaking of course, but you get the main overview of the relationship. Then there's my brothers dad who - lets just not go there. My mom and him are not together so please don't think so. Long story short - I grew up without a father and would not let my brother grow up the same. And then theres me. Hey! Yea, just me. The ungrateful seventeen year old who sits on her bum all day and does nothing according to the rest of the world. But in my brain - its not like that. Story of a teenagers life, right? Yeah.
As I was saying things are bad financially as well as everything else of course. When it rains it pours eh old chap? Anywho - my best friend since like sixth grade is Adam. I never ever looked at him as a boyfriend or anything, but within the past year things have really changed. Everything has. And well we ended up together. I always knew really really deep down that I would end up marrying him, I just didnt think i'd be settling so soon. It's ok - at least he makes me happy. However, since I started dating him (which my mother did push for months and months, as well as my nanny and every I have that's ever met him) things have been different in my house. On top of the money stress in the house my family is getting irritated with our relationship. I guess it's because we're together so often. Maybe - I dont know. All I know is that im 17 and I dont feel any where near that age. He is 19, my best friend is 18 and all my friends at college are atleast 18 most 19 or 20. I dont FEEL 17 , I dont SEEM 17. I shouldn't be 17. I've learned to deal with it and im extremely mature for my age. Take that as a obnoxious comment as you want but it was intended that way. It's the truth. Sometimes I forget that im 17 and want my freedom like everyone else has. I think this is where all my problems with my mom are stemming from. I want to go out at night, sleep til noon the next day and basically do what I want. I don't mind staying home during the day and helping but at night I want to bounce out. I can understand from a mom's point of view why she just wants me home sometimes. Im he daughter and technically I am only 17 - but from my eyes (the ungrateful teenager who think about no one but herself) I just want to do what I want with no one to tell me no. Why do I want this? Because all my friends have it.
All I know is it was bad, then I started dating Adam and it got worse. I guess because when I'm around him and he gets to do what he wants I feel like I can to. But in reality, I cant. And I get an attitude when I dont get what I want so therefore conflict arises between mom and I.
So today, a very upset April, told Adam she wanted a break and wouldn't tell him why. I don't know, or want to for that matter, how to tell him it's not him - its me and that I just think I need to get back in check with my family. I dont know. Maybe it was a dumb idea. Maybe I shouldnt be pushing him away because of how I've become. Maybe I shouldnt be doing anything I am. But - it's me and for right now the only thing I can think of to even begin to fix my relationship with my mother - is to take a break from adam and see if it really is him thats affecting my attitude.
I know this post is really jumpy - but give me a break. It's my first one and theres a hell of a lot on my mind.
"A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them." - John C. Maxwell
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